Self care
Let's pivot that mindset!
That Sunday update that I mentioned in the last letter didn’t happen. Whoops.
I’ve been trying to take my own advice and have been focusing on just existing and calming my brain down. I also turned 38 this week, and I had a very low key celebration with my partner consisting of a lunch date at the new ramen restaurant in town and freshly baked Semlor with saffron. Here’s the recipe for the Swedes, let me know if you want me to translate it for any of you English speakers!
Since I’ve been trying to not do too much and not allow my brain to run too wild, I’ve been reading a fair bit which means I finally finished The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin.
I started this book in… 2020 or 2021 I believe but I was in no mental state to enjoy it at the time so I only read a few chapters before it was put on the shelf again. I decided to pick it back up after finishing The Starless Sea and try to stick with it this time. It took me a little bit to get back into it, but this time I found my rhythm with it and ended up enjoying it in the end. The world building is intriguing and the way it’s written gets your brain to connect the dots as you read it which is something I always appreciate. I’m not sure if I entirely like the main characters, but they do fit the world and the narrative so I can’t exactly complain. Overall, I liked it enough that I started on book two in the trilogy, The Obelisk Gate and I am curious to see where things go.
I also sort of rediscovered libraries (again, thank you The Starless Sea!) and my love for them. Which lead me to find out my local library could get a hold of Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist so, naturally, I borrowed and read that too.
And man, it made me take notes and write down thoughts, because I had a lot of them.
The idea of taking something and transforming it into something else, incorporating pieces of other things into your own work isn’t exactly new or revolutionary. But it lives in that weird sort of bubble of everyone knows that’s how things are made, by iteration, but it’s also frowned upon because all stealing is somehow seen as plagiarism. Or maybe that’s just a warped view I have somehow internalised by listening and interpreting the whirlpool of input I’ve grown up with.
I’ve in a way always operated by copying and stealing ideas and methods and then modifying and molding them into something that’s mine. I even kind of excelled at it, I really felt like it was a superpower when I was a teenager.
I learned to draw horses by copying Lena Furberg’s art, I learned more advanced HTML and CSS by looking at, copying and modifying other people’s code (this last one I still kind of do). But somewhere along the line I internalized that copying was bad and that all copying equaled plagiarism and outright stealing. Which isn’t the case. There’s a reason we have master studies and master copies in art, apprenticeships, workshops and other such things where you learn from other people. It’s all essentially copying and making things your own. That’s how your art evolves.
The very essence in a lot of what Kleon brings up in the book seems to come down to taking in as much of what sparks interest, inspiration and creativity as possible, analyse it, use it and make it yours.
“Every idea is just a mashup or a remix of one or more previous ideas.”
This book and the fact that I decided to take the leap and enter into Onyrica’s art mentorship has really given me a kick in the shins and made me start to realise just how much I have been limiting myself simply due to all the bullshit my brain has subscribed to over the years. It’s going to be a process to reprogram my brain but it’s some comfort to know that now I have at least started!
I will be re-reading this book a few more times before I have to return it and take some more notes in general, but I’m definitely going to try to implement a few of the more practical things immediately.
I’m going to try to get better at using my sketchbooks for more things, basically turning them into what Kleon calls “swipe files”. Things like copying stuff that catch my interest, writing things down and taking notes, glue interesting shit in there etc.
I’m also going to do more copying and more simple play. I have a ton of art materials that’s just sitting around because I’m too timid to use them on actual pieces. Mostly since I, surprise, don’t really know how to use them. Because I haven’t actually used them or played around with them.
“Don’t worry about doing research. Just search.”
Another thing I’m going to try to take more to heart is taking a step away, bring pens and paper and books everywhere and use all the liminal moments like bus rides (and bathroom visits) and placing myself in cafés and libraries with just my surroundings and my materials.
And lastly, I’m going to adopt keeping a praise file. Just a notebook where I take notes of all the nice comments and feedback I get so that I can go back and prove my my negative brain that yes, people do care about and enjoy you/your work.
On another note, I will get back to streaming within the coming week because I have a mighty need to finish Mass Effect Andromeda and restart my Dragon Age Inquisition run so I can get more context for the Dragon Age Absolution series. I’m still trying to figure out how best to approach streaming and recording simultaneously so that I can edit and produce a more condensed, story focused let’s play for my Youtube channel. I really want to be able to do that with Inquisition since I already started one playthrough that is now dead in the water and it feels like that game would definitely lend itself to a more focused and edited series. So, I’ll be spending a bit more time trying to figure that out while I finish up Andromeda and if anyone has any tips or tricks for this I’d love to hear it! Any help, feedback or input is greatly appreciated!
I’d also be super happy if you can come hang out in chat and keep me company while I go through these games. 💜
My tentative plan is to stream Tuesdays and Thursdays, starting at 1pm CET. I may chose to stream at other times too if my spoons allow so if you want to make sure you catch me, go follow my Twitch channel and enable notifications.
Ok, this is long enough as it is so I shall get back to working on commissions and art “homework”! (It’s weird to think about having homework but this kind is actually motivating!)
See you in stream chat or in the next letter, until then I hope you’re all doing well and taking good care of yourselves! 💜